


I am not Me

by Quivy



Category: Naruto
Genre: Character Death, Gen, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2020-10-31 13:00:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20794130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quivy/pseuds/Quivy
Summary: "Somebody once told me that people aren't themselves. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry and that their passions are a quotation.I've never heard words more true than that."A fic that follows someone, who doesn't have protagonist level plot armor. (Also slight tweaks to specific characters)





	1. Chapter 1

My parents wanted me to be a doctor. 

They wanted me to go to medical school, intern at a nice hospital, become a famous, well-known doctor, marry a wealthy man, have some children and spend the rest of my life living in peace.

The problem was... I didn't want that.

I didn't want to go to medical school. I didn't want to intern at a hospital. I didn't want to become a doctor. I didn't want to live my life cooped up at home looking after children.(Not that i didn't like children. I just didn't like the feeling of being trapped)

No

Instead, I fell in love with magic.

I saw my first magic trick during a street performance. It was a simple act, pulling a bouquet of flowers out of thin air, but back then, as a child, I remember being in awe. The moment I went home I made a set of paper flowers and started practicing the trick over and over until I could perform it flawlessly.  
My parents however were less excited about my new 'hobby'.

"It's nice that you have a hobby but don't get invested okay? " they would say "Make sure your grades always comes first"

I did what they said for a while. I kept receiving top grades at school and practiced magic only during my free time but my love for magic only kept growing.

Magic just fit into my life so easily that I had to keep doing it. If my hands were free they were shuffling cards, if I had access to the internet I was searching for ways to improve my skill. I enjoyed it so much that I began to think of doing it for a living.

"No. Absolutely not"

"But..."

"Do you know how hard it is to succeed as a performer?"

"I know but..."

"It's much harsher than you think. I can barely accept magic as a hobby but as a job? Absolutely not"

"I say we should ban her from doing magic altogether. Remember how she got a C for calculus last term?"

"..."

"Dearest we won't ban you from magic but don't ever speak about doing it as a job. Believe me it's for your own good."

"...okay"

(Looking back I wish I had the courage to say no.)

After that particular conversation my parents put strict limits on how much I could practice magic and on top of that they gave clear signs that I wasn't to do it even then. Not being able to do magic... it felt like something inside me had died. 

I went back to the way I was before. Quiet, Obedient.  
I finished high school as one of the top scoring students and went to medical school as my parents told me to do and did well there too. Most would be satisfied with this kind of progress, I only got more and more depressed.

The more time went on the more I realized that I had been, that I was living in a nightmare. What was the point of waking up every day if you were going to do nothing but listen to others? What was the point of going to school if everything you were learnt wasn't something you enjoyed?

Why was I alive?

It was probably that question that drove me to the cliff, literally and figuratively. You see there was this mountain a few miles from my house which was currently being caved away to make room for a series of new buildings which would be built there. Recently the construction had gotten so close to the mountain path that it made the impression that you were walking on the edge of a cliff.  
As someone who was scared of heights I'd been avoiding that place like a plague but after asking myself why I was still breathing I felt compelled to visit that place.

Seeing it for myself it was kind of a letdown. I had kind of imagined it like something you would see in a movie, an inch wide foothold above a bottomless chasm (unrealistic I know) but in reality? A thirty meter drop edge with a pathway which was at least three feet wide was what greeted me. There wasn't even a danger sign to warn people.  
Life really was full of nothing but disappointments.

I took a deep breath as I stepped closer to the edge. Why was I alive? The only thing I had really enjoyed was doing magic tricks but now I didn't have the courage to even do that. 

I took another step forward.  
One more step and I would fall. Considering the height it might even be painless.

I should do it.  
I didn't have a lot of friends, calling my relationship with my parents unstable was putting it generously, I didn't have any ambition or dreams.

What did I have to live for?

Nothing.

I prepared to take a step forward...

then stopped.

What was I even doing? Throwing a tantrum because I couldn't do magic? I was twenty years old for heaven’s sake, I'd lived one fifth of my life and I was going to throw it away?

It wasn't worth it. I'm going home.

I took a step back... and slipped.

My head hit something and everything blurred. I was falling, and then I felt myself bounce on something twice then... nothing.

I opened my eyes.

'When did I reach the bottom of the cliff?'  
I tried to move but my arm and legs wouldn't respond. I tried to turn my head but I couldn't do that either.

Memories slowly came and went like a movie reel. The first time I ate cake, my first successful card trick, memories of me and my parents laughing over dinner.

'I wish I could do that all again' I thought as the memories slowly faded away.

The sun shone brightly blinding me.

I closed my eyes…

…and opened them as someone else.

\--------

Ren Yamanka

That was who I was now. The four year old daughter of Gensa Yamnaka and Shiina Yamanaka. Reborn into a japanese village probably a few centuries before my time. Which by the way, was completely fine. I had no problems with that.

What I did have a problem with was the fact that whenever I looked out of the window I would constantly see people dressed up doing stuff like leaping over 10 meter gaps or walking on the walls and all kinds of stuff that shouldn't be physically possible. 

What.the.heck

"That Ren" Dad had said when I asked him "Is because we are able to use something called Chakra"

"Chakra?" I asked 'Wasn't chakra from Buddhism?'

"Chakra" he continued "Is a mixture of physical energy and spiritual energy. We can use it to climb walls, enhance our bodies, control the five elements and so much more"

"Control the..." I tried to process what I just heard. I tried a different approach "Where does chakra come from?"  
There had to be a logical explanation for this right?

"Well inside our body there's something we call chakra coils"

What?

"It stores chakra so we can use it later. As for how we regenerate used chakra? I honestly don't know. I haven't looked that deep into biology."

Well there goes any chance of me becoming a doctor here. I am not memorizing an entirely new anatomy system.

"Do we know how we got chakra dad?" I asked "Or were we just born with it?"

"That’s a lot of heavy questions” Dad smiled as he ruffled my hair "Did you even understand what I said before?"

I made a face at him "Chakra coils store chakra, chakra can be used for body enhancement and elemental control. I'm not an idiot dad."

Dad stared at me before laughing "You're a smart girl Ren. I doubt any of your peers are as smart as you are right now. As for your question" He looked out into the distance "Some people say it came from a divine tree that stood eons ago, scientists say that our world is filled with so much energy that we got chakra to adapt to the environment."

"The tree explanation sounds stupid" I muttered.

Dad laughed "People believe in a lot of things"

"What do you believe in Dad?" I asked

Dad picked me up on to his shoulders as he hummed in thought "I've never really thought of it. But if I had to choose a belief I would like to believe we have chakra so we can protect the things we love."

That was another thing that was different in this world. War was a constant here. During the 80 or so years since this village was created there had been 3 wars (one which had ended barely a few months ago) and only 30 decades of peace. And this was considered peaceful compared to what it was like before.

(Side note: I will never understand why they call themselves ninja. Breathing out fireballs isn't exactly something I would call ninja like)

Learning to fight was such an essential part of life here that there was an entire school system dedicated to teaching children how to fight.  
I wanted no part of that. 

So when I told my parents about my reluctance to become a ninja I was prepared to fight tooth and nail for it because from what I understood our family, the Yamanaka clan, was a family of born in ninja which meant that I would probably expect to become one too.

But to my surprise they accepted it gracefully and said they would send me to a civilian school so that I could learn to become a something else. They were even glad that I didn't want to be one!

"I'll admit. I'm kind of surprised you don't want to become a ninja Ren" Dad said "Most kids your age dream of becoming one when they grow up. Especially kids from clans like ours"

"She's smart that's what she is" Mom said as she hugged me "She's always been mature for her age too" She looked at me "So future ninja is out. What do you want to become when you grow up then?"

"A magician" I said immediately "I want to learn magic"

Dad laughed "You mean those entertainers who use smoke and tricks to fool people?"

"I think it suits her. She'll be wonderful on stage." Mom said as she tucked my hair behind my ear "The entrance age for civilian school is seven years old so until then you'll learn how to read and write along with other things at home okay?"

I nodded enthusiastically.

As she promised, instead of joining the other kids who wanted to be a ninja, I spent a lot of time with mom learning how to read and write and other things with only the most basic stamina exercises and I was happy with that.

Even before I was reborn I had always been one of the smarter kids in the classroom. I memorized stuff pretty easily, and understood complex concepts quicker than anyone else(It was how I excelled at med school despite the fact I hated it).  
Now? With a four year old brain and a twenty year old mentality? I absorbed information like a sponge.

To others it must have seemed like I was this incredible genius, memorizing and understanding things that even adults had difficulty with. 

Only until later did I think that maybe I should have toned down the 'genius kid' a bit. The main reason for that being...

"She's a genius Gensa! A prodigy even! She's even smarter than most of the Nara kids her age and the only kid I know who could probably match her intelligence is the Uchiha kid and even he's called a once in a century genius!"

...this.

That was my uncle, Donsui Yamanaka, trying to convince my dad to put me in the ninja academy. Ever since he had found out about my intelligence he had some delusion about using me to make the Yamanaka clan take over the village.

"She said she didn't want to be a ninja so she won't" Dad cut in "I won't force my daughter to be something she doesn't want to be"

"You're wasting her! You know how much Konoha nee-"

I shut the door reducing their conversation to muffled sounds trying to ignore the headache that came whenever uncle Donsui came over.

"Why don't you want to be a ninja?"

I jumped as a voice suddenly appeared behind me.

Donsui's daughter looked at me curiously.

"You're Yori right?" I asked

"Yes" she answered impatiently "Why don't you want to be a ninja?"

I frowned "What’s it to you?"

Yori scowled "You're smart and you'd probably be a pretty good ninja if you tried but you don't want to be one. Why?"

I shrugged "I don't like fighting"

Her scowl deepened "That’s it? You don't like fighting? That’s why you're not going to be a ninja? So you can be a clown instead?"

"A clown?"

"That's what you want to be right? Some show off making toddlers laugh"

"I'd like to remind you we're four" I deadpanned.

"You're a coward" she spat ignoring my jab "I can't believe I thought you were cool" she stormed off

"Clowns" I muttered "I hate clowns"

Soon after that exchange Yori began to spread rumors that I was some stuck up kid who refused to be a ninja because I thought I was better than the others and since then most of the clan kids began to tease me or ignore me altogether. 

I spent a lot more time alone after that. Since the clan kids wouldn't accept me I ended up spending a lot more time with my parents.  
I couldn't spend too much time with dad because he was an active ninja and had to go on missions a lot of the time but since mom was a therapist and a psychologist I got to spend a lot of time with her.

As far as I could tell mom was a genius in her area. With one quick glance she could deduct a person's job, age and what they had for lunch and half their life story.  
It ended up being one of the things I learned from her and though I couldn't figure out someone’s life story I could pretty safely guess someone's age and job.

(I think mom was hoping that I would take up her job if I failed as an entertainer because she ended up learning much more psychology than I really needed.)

"The Sandaime's announcing his successor today." she said one day is she finished work early "What kind of person do you think he's going to be?"

"Isn't his name Minito Kamikaze?" I asked "His name sounds weird."

"Minato Namikaze" she corrected trying not to laugh "He's going to be the first hokage who isn't from a clan."

"That tradition sounds stupid." I muttered "Can we get barbeque for dinner?"

"Sure we can." she hummed "Your dad said he'll be meeting us at the plaza so we can eat together today"

When we arrived the plaza was already filled with people milling about making it difficult to move around.

"Dad!" I called spotting him chatting with his mission team.

"Ren!" he grinned as he made his way towards us.

"Is this your daughter Gensa?" One of his colleagues, who was obviously an Inuzuka, gave me a kind smile "Hi kid, the name's Beruma. Your dad's been wearing our ears out with all the bragging he's done about"

I blushed as dad sputtered and smacked Beruma's shoulder.

"This is Amai Akimichi" Beruma continued gesturing at the woman who stood behind him "Amai's the one who keeps both of us alive but she's a bit shy so don't mind her if she's a bit quiet"

Amai gave me a small wave as her name came up and she smiled a bit as I waved back.

"The new hokage's going to be the one from the Iwa surge isn't he" Mom asked

"Massacre Shiina, it was a massacre" Beruma muttered "I saw it happen and I'm very glad he's not from Iwa."

"I heard he's a good person though" Amai said quietly "They say he was a good teacher to his students"

"Yeah and two of them are dead" Beruma muttered

"It happened during a mission didn't it?" dad stroked his chin "The Uchiha kid first and then... Rin I think? The girl's name was Rin something right?"

Amai nodded "She was killed by the other student, the Hatake kid."

"The kill was pardoned because it was a sacrificial play but.." dad trailed off. "Some say that Namikaze set the whole thing up so he could get pity points to get the hokage seat."

Beruma nodded "That kind of makes sense too. I mean. One of the Sannin was originally set up to be the hokage wasn't he?"

"It doesn't matter" mom said "All we can do is hope that he'll be able to keep things peaceful for a while. There, he's coming out now"

I looked up just as the crowd began to stir as a blonde man wearing a white cloak walked onto the stage with the Sandaime.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" The Sandaime's voice echoed through the crowd "I present to you... Your new hokage! Yondaime, Minato Namikaze!"

People cheered.

I yawned.

\--------

I stared at the kid in front of me.

He stared back.

"You're that Uchiha kid everyone's talking about aren't you?"

He shrugged.

"Our parents set us up didn't they?"

He shrugged again.

"Okay." I pinched the bridge of my nose "Do you have any lock picks on you?"

He shook his head.

"Damn it"

A few minutes before this encounter my mom had told me to dress up because we were going to have dinner but instead of arriving at a restaurant we had a arrived at the house of Uchiha's clan head.  
I'd tried to run away to no avail and now I was trapped in a room for a undetermined amount of time. (The ploy to make two antisocial kids friends was so obvious it hurt. Couldn't they have just told us.)

I sighed as I sat down on the floor.  
"This sucks"

"My name is Uchiha Itachi" he said hesitantly. "It's nice to make your acquaintance."

I looked at him. "You talk like an old man"

His eye twitched.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that." I added hastily. "It's just... someone your size... talking like that..." I trailed off.

I coughed "My name is Ren by the way. Hi"

We fell into an awkward silence.

"People call you a prodigy" he said suddenly. "They say that you and I could be the next Hatake Kakashi."

"Isn't he the student of the Fourth? The guy who killed his own teammate?" I mumbled "How flattering."

"He's also considered one of the most intelligent people to come out of Konoha"

"Hey, maybe instead of killing our teammate we can wipe out our own clan or even the entire village? The next generation is supposed to surpass the previous one right?"

He stared at me.

I winced "Sorry, I have a dark sense of humor. You were talking about the Hatake guy?"

"...he finished the academy at the age of five, became a chunin at six and a jonin at twelve." He was still giving me a weird look.

"So... people expect us to do as well if not better than him?" I asked.

He nodded "A lot of people expect us to."

I snorted "Well sucks to be them. I don't like fighting. I- " I said fidgeting with a lock of my hair " -am going to be a magician"

"That's what I wanted to ask." He looked at me. "Why don't you want to be a ninja? Why a magician?"

"Simple. I like doing magic tricks. Wanna see one?" I fished a coin out of my pocket and showed it to him before making it disappear. "Tadaa!"

"You've hidden it in your left sleeve" he said

"Nope!" I grinned as I made the coin appear in my right hand. "And again, Tadaa!"

"That's a different coin."

My shoulders sagged. "Spoilsport" I muttered. 

The corner of his mouth twitched. "Is that all to it?" he asked "You want to be a magician because you like doing magic tricks?"

"Isn't that enough? I like doing it, I want to do it. Should I have an entire backstory on how I want to become a magician?" I flipped the coin in the air. "I don't want to live my life doing things listening to others, pretending to be something I'm not."

I looked at him. "What about you?"

"I'm going to be a shinobi." He snatched the coin out of the air. "Pretending to be something I'm not comes with the job."

"Fair enough" I scratched the back of my head. "Is there anything else we can do besides talking about our future?"

He blinked. "I have jenga?"

“Well then…” a smile crept onto my face “are you up to a game?”

An hour later our parents found us glaring at each other (or rather me, Itachi just had his creepy blank face on) across a rather tall tower of wooden blocks.

I spent a lot more time with Itachi after that. I would follow him around when he went exploring around the edges of Konoha and he would ask me questions about some of the psychological stuff I had learnt from mom.  
He was so interested in cold reading that we he bribed me with snacks in exchange for lessons on the subject. This led to us creating a game where we would pick random people from the street and try to guess how old they was and what their profession was. 

It was during one of these games that I met Izumi.

"I think you've got a fan." I whispered to him.

"Which one?" he muttered "I have too many to count."

"You're saying you know all of the names of your little 'fans'?" I made a shocked expression "Why Tachi I didn't know you cared."

His eye twitched. "It's hard not to when they keep stalking."

I snickered. "I think she's one of your clan members." I glanced to where she was hiding. "Long brown hair in a ponytail and a mole under her right eye? You recognize her?"

His posture relaxed a little. "Oh, she's okay."

I poked him in the ribs. "There's a girl besides me, because I don't count for whatever reason-" I gave him a quick glare "-that you're okay with?"

"She's tolerable"

I thought for a moment before grinning. "I'll be back in a moment"

A few minutes later I returned with her by my side.  
"Itachi" I said with a smug smile on my face "Meet Uchiha Izumi, Izumi meet Uchiha Itachi, master of creepy doll faces, servant of sweet things."  
The face that Itachi made as Izumi started laughing made it worth all the trouble.

Izumi started spending time with us after that and she turned out to be a pretty good friend and within the week I was spending as much, if not more time I was spending with Itachi. She and I found a common preference in fictional literature and we spent time together walking around the market place browsing the stores and buying snacks when we were hungry.  
I even began to join her when she would do her daily training in preparation for the academy entrance exam.

"You know." she commented as we were doing laps around the Uchiha lake. "You would do really well in the academy if you wanted to. Are you sure you don't want to-"

"Izumi" I panted between breaths "If you don't shut up I am going to push you into the lake."

She gave a short laugh at that.

"How much more-" I inhaled sharply "-do we have to run?"

"I was thinking about an hour more?"

I stumbled to halt. "Nope. No way." I shook my head. " I am not doing a second more of this."

She stopped beside me. "You know. I'm considered to have low stamina compared to most and the fact that you tire out quicker than me speaks volumes of how much exercise you need to do."

"It's not my fault I have low physical energy." I muttered "And I'm not convinced that doing exercise will fix that either."

When I had turned five I had taken a deep health inspection and the results had not been good.

"It's been a while since I've seen results like these." the doctor said as he looked through the files. "Osteogenesis imperfecta and Yin chakra overload both at the same time."

"I'm sorry. What is osteogesis imperfection exactly?" my dad asked.

"Osteogenesis imperfecta." I corrected almost subconsciously. "It's also known as the brittle bone disease."

"Indeed it is." the doctor looked impressed. "It's quite unusual that you have it considering it's normally inherited from the parents."

Dad's hand tightened around my shoulders. "Is there anything we can do about it?" he asked.

The doctor shook his head. "There's nothing you can do. But keep eating healthy meals and all that and she should be fine. If she does that she should have no problem becoming a ninja when she grows up. Just don't expect to be able take blows as easily as all the other people."

"What about my chakra system?" I asked "What's wrong with that?"

"There's nothing 'wrong' with your system." he scratched the back of his head "It's just that ypu have an abnormally high ratio of yin chakra."

"She won't have any problems with that will she?" dad asked.

"No, not at all" he replied "She'll probably have a lower stamina than average, have some difficulty using jutsu but all of that can be fixed if she exercises enough." he shrugged "The only permanent thing is that she might not be able to use the Yamanaka clan jutsu."

I blinked "Not that I particularly care about that but why wouldn't I be able to use clan jutsu?"

My dad squeezed my soldiers. "To use the jutsu affiliated to the clan your yin and yang chakra ratio has to be within a specific range. If you don't have that ratio you can't use the jutsu, that's why it's called clan jutsu."

I nodded as I absorbed all that information. "So I'm guessing that the chakra ratio is passed down along with the genes right?" I looked at the doctor for confirmation.

He nodded "Exactly, most Yamanaka clan members have a yin yang chakra ratio of 7 to 4."

"...and what ratio do I have?" I asked

"Almost 10 to 4."

I choked on air.

"Don't worry about it too much. Like I said doing plenty of exercise should fix the problem eventually." the doctor gave me a kind smile as we began to leave "And by the way little miss before you go, please consider joining the medical corps will you? It would be nice to have someone as smart as you join in."

I scowled at the memory. Like hell I'm going back to med school.

"Is there something bothering you Ren?" she waved a hand in front of my face.

I blinked. "No just... thinking about stuff."

She snorted.

I poked her in the ribs. "Coming to think of it the academy orientation starts next month doesn't it?"

She nodded

"Well that sucks. The school I'm going to doesn't accept people until they're 7" I lay down on the ground.

"You could stay at the academy for a year?" she suggested hopefully "Just until your school starts?"

I scowled at her "Izumi I know you want us to go to the academy together but if you suggest that I go to the academy one more time I will push you into the lake."

She sulked. "It's going to be sooo boring without you though." she mumbled.

I smiled as warmth started to fill my chest. "You know what?" I asked her "Why don't we do a celebration picnic of sorts today?"

Izumi perked up at that. "That's a great idea! We could grab a bunch of sweets and watch the sunset from the hokage monument."

I nodded "Can you tell Itachi to come?"

She paused "I think Itachi-kun said something about looking after his little brother though, so he might not be able to make it"

I shrugged "He can always bring his baby brother along and if he doesn't come?" I grinned " Tell him I'll tell Shisui-senpai about the dango store incident"

Her brows furrowed "What's the dango store incident?"

I cackled "I'll tell you during the picnic. It's hilarious"

"I'm holding you to do that" She smiled as she stood up. "I'll see you on top of the hokage monument before sunset Ren" she called as she called as she began to jog away

I waved to her as she left before leaving myself. I really needed to take a shower.

\--------

There really was no way to explain how beautiful a setting sun was. Several shades of yellow and orange were thrown across the entire village as if they were fighting for dominance over who covered more ground. The clouds as if sensing their fight was nowhere to be seen and the sky looked like the entire ocean had rose into air.

"I wonder if the founders decided to build konoha here after seeing the sunset." I said

"It's possible" Izumi agreed "It's beautiful enough"

Itachi stayed silent in favor of shifting his little brother so he could see the sunset as well.

We stayed in silence until the sun disappeared behind the horizon.

"It's a shame we won't be able to do this more" I murmured "You guys'll be busy with academy stuff now right?"

Itachi shrugged "We'll probably have time during the evenings since there are no classes then"

I snorted "Yeah, like you'll be in class. Come on, how are you going to fake it?"

"Ren!" Izumi looked scandalized "Itachi-kun isn't going to skip classes!" she looked at him "You're not are you?"

"Technically no"

Izumi gaped as I burst into laughter. "Told you" I cackled "There's no way mister creepy face is going to listen to a class that teaches math."

Thwap!

"Don't call Itachi-kun that!"

"Ow! Then tell him to start showing some emotion like a human being!"

We began to eat our sandwiches and started to talk about the stuff we would do once we entered our schools.

"Ren how are you doing with your magic tricks by the way? I haven't seen you practice at all recently" Izumi asked suddenly

"That's because I haven't been practicing these past few weeks." I said finishing the last of my sandwich and reaching for the dango box "My mom was busy at the clinic so had to help her out a bit." 

I handed Izumi a dango "Why did someth-" she stopped suddenly "Do you feel that?"

I blinked "Feel what?"

Itachi straightened up too "Somethings wrong, we should go home"

"What are you guys talking about? I still can't feel an- "

The wind stopped.

Something exploded.

And then I couldn't breathe.

A nine-tailed fox as big as the hokage monument roared and fear overtook me.

\--------

The people gave the ...incident a name. The 'Kyuubi attack'. 

Attack really didn't do it justice.

"She's barely six years old! You saw how she was when I found her!"

4000 dead and counting. One thousand killed within the first five minutes.

"They need the manpower Gensa. It's unfortunate but-"

"IT'S UNFORTUNATE!?"

I covered my ears and buried myself in the blankets. Our house had only been a few miles from where the monster had appeared. It was one of the lucky few to escape the destruction.

"You don't have a choice. The Sandaime's taken back the hokage seat and he's ordered for every child with potential to be sent to the academy. With Kumo and Iwa right at our heels we can't allow any exceptions-"

There was a crash followed by a string of swearing.

The sound of a punch.

The sound of wood splintering.

"SHE LOST HER MOTHER!"

That was the final straw.

I curled up into a ball and cried.

[Application for Ninja academy]

Name: Ren Yamanaka

Age:6

Birthday: September 20th

Health status: …

...

...

…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: How the hell do you describe a sunset?
> 
> Me 10 minutes later: Just foreshadow the Kyuubi attack that's going to happen you idiot.
> 
> Me 20 minutes later: ...This actually works!
> 
> .
> 
> .
> 
> Tip for writing fanfiction: Watch video essays about movie story telling while sleep deprived.
> 
> .
> 
> Reviews + comments on how to improve my writing/this fic will be appreciated.


	2. Why?

I'm stuck.

Like really really stuck.

I'm on my twenty-plus-something-ish draft and I can't seem to get a grasp of what kind of character Ren is.

The most annoying thing is that I've got everything planned out except the part I'm currently writing about.

Everything. Her growth, struggles, her [spoiler] arc, then going to Naruto's pov to show the effects she had on the plot and whatnot. Everything except her childhood arc which is the base of all of that.

I guess it just shows how inexperienced of a writer I am.

I tried to get a christmas short out too like did for my kny fic but I ran out of time. So sorry about that again.

Main message tho.

I've got personal stuff going on and I'm going to stay off the net for about a year (I'm expecting to be back at November). I'll still be writing during that time and hopefully by then I'll have figured out who Ren is and I'll have entire chapters to mass upload.

Thanks for everyone who has read this fic and sorry.


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